Wishful thinking. Really.

I tried to kiss him tonight when I saw him but after a while he broke the kiss and pushed me away.. I knew tonight was going to be a long night.. 

I will surely miss his strangling hug.. 

And all the times we've spent together in the past year.. 

I have my answer tonight.. I didn't press him for an answer but he's here to tell me honestly he wasn't ready to go anymore deeper.. He knew what I was coming onto.. 

I missed him so much and told him I needed to see him.. Had him finally over tonight and we really talked our hearts out.. 

We rarely talk like this but when there's important things, phones aside, tv aside and we just talked.. 

I don't know how things will change but it will surely change.. I have to stop treating him like a boyfriend and start treating him like a friend.. To him, there was never a relationship to begin with, it was a messed up friendship that went a little too far, things that you don't do with friends.. 

And that confused me.. I needed to know, and I knew now.. 

Thank you for the one year making me happy, I was truly happy even with all the times when I was angry, it was not without love.. My affection has then grew into something more than just friends.. 

I love you. 

Somehow.. It grew on me.. 

But I needed to know where we stand and thanks for making it clear..