Monday, 29 February 2016

Wishful thinking. Really.

I tried to kiss him tonight when I saw him but after a while he broke the kiss and pushed me away.. I knew tonight was going to be a long night.. 

I will surely miss his strangling hug.. 

And all the times we've spent together in the past year.. 

I have my answer tonight.. I didn't press him for an answer but he's here to tell me honestly he wasn't ready to go anymore deeper.. He knew what I was coming onto.. 

I missed him so much and told him I needed to see him.. Had him finally over tonight and we really talked our hearts out.. 

We rarely talk like this but when there's important things, phones aside, tv aside and we just talked.. 

I don't know how things will change but it will surely change.. I have to stop treating him like a boyfriend and start treating him like a friend.. To him, there was never a relationship to begin with, it was a messed up friendship that went a little too far, things that you don't do with friends.. 

And that confused me.. I needed to know, and I knew now.. 

Thank you for the one year making me happy, I was truly happy even with all the times when I was angry, it was not without love.. My affection has then grew into something more than just friends.. 

I love you. 

Somehow.. It grew on me.. 

But I needed to know where we stand and thanks for making it clear.. 

Thursday, 25 February 2016

Happy Together

I spent the last 2 days watching "Happy Together" on Youtube.. it's about a gay couple, a straight couple and 2 very good gal friends living in the same house, set in Taiwan.. From watching this, no wonder I can be emo.. cos I can feel the characters...

What struck me the most is the character Benny, played by 陳景煬 Jumper, the flirty one.. Not only is he cute, the character life story is what I can relate the most.. and he loves to gym and end his workout with a cold beer.. For me, I love to gym, and end my workout with some cold energy drink..

From a young age of 17, I was already playing the fool.. and like what Benny's boyfriend Alex says, "sleep with anyone".. Well, that's me..

I mean, that was my past..

Alex & Benny

One of the scenes.. this is in Episode 8..

Here's the full English sub Youtube playlist..

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Being gay

I have been thinking a lot recently.. I haven't seen my boyfriend in more than a week as he was travelling again for work.. And at a very short notice.. 

What kept me thinking was, in his absence, I miss him.. I mean, I still am busy with work and gym, but once I get home, I am all alone.. there was not many texts from him, because he's busy with work, and he works damn odd hours, and I don't disturb him.. 

I looked at my phone blankly.. hoping a message would come - or at least, from him.. The little weird rule we agreed on very much in the beginning is that, we don't text when we're at work, whether me or him, unless it's urgent.. so while I'm working, he's not, and while he's working, I'm not.. Because both of us are busy adults, we have our busy schedules and lives, there's no need to be in constant touch and seeing each other everyday, but once in a while, this kind of creepy loneliness comes.. 

It's the kind of feeling that you just want your boyfriend and no one else.. yes, you can text and go out with friends, but it's not the same.. I miss his strangling hug.. When he hugs me, sometimes, it feels like he's strangling me, but I like it.. It makes me feel secured and warm in his arms.. knowing he will not let go, and he doesn't let go, unless I push him away.. 

I just don't know, I guess I've drawn to him so much in the past one year... Little did I know, we've known each other (and together) for a year.. Although in the beginning he gets on my nerves sometimes, but I guess that's part of the learning process, to grow.. 

He have always put up with my antics and my bitch fit drama-queen diva-ness, but never once complained about it.. he doesn't have many gay friends.. he's not even out to many people, or should I say, no one? 

I'm out to anyone who cares to know, friends.. colleagues.. perhaps even family.. I suspect my parents and my siblings know.. but they didn't confront me, so I needn't say anything.. I really hope one day, I will be able to bring him to the dinner table with everyone.. I don't know why I want that, but I guess, I want my mom's blessing.. I want her to know that I can be happy and still live a life I want.. I really want her to say it that she'll be okay with me being gay, but in order for that to happen, I first have to tell her with my own mouth.. I really don't want her to know in any other way, or to walk in on us when we're having sex.. Looking back, she did walk in on my ex- and I once before, together in bed.. but let's not get there.. it's not the appropriate topic for this blog post..

I've been through a lot.. 

I've been through a lot of long-term relationships, relationships that lasted years, but still in the end, they ended, somehow.. one way or another.. 

Is there no forever? 

I really don't know.. 

I've always believe in finding someone who can see through your flaws and still love you the same.. One that I can settle down eventually, like for real, and who wants the same thing and goal in life - which is being together till the end.. 

I want a someone who can see the future and has that same vision with me.. I'm not sure about what really the boyfriend thinks about it, I tried asking him once earlier, but it was a wrong timing.. I don't want to waste years building upon something unfruitful.. 

I guess.. I just want a stable home.. It might sound corny, but reality is harsh, the end can be any time.. It's not about growing old anymore, it's about to the very last breath.. 

Is it very selfish to ask of him? 

I don't know.. 



Monday, 22 February 2016

Happy Chap Goh Meh

The end of Chinese New Year is here.. After 15 days of eating and eating and feasting, it's now time to get back to gym and continue the wishful 2016 resolutions..

Angpow aside (not too bad), I also won several last consolation prizes in Big Sweep, Damacai and Grand Toto.. Not much but I'm not complaining because every wealth luck is perfectly welcoming, especially since I gave away some in Genting on the 8th day.. 

So if you're looking to "pao kam" (throw orange into the lake/river), I wish you will find someone.. Hope it's not the bangla who will be cleaning up the waters when the day break..

Else, you can always go for Collision speed dating event (for gay men only lor) and who knows, you will have a better chance of meeting someone you fancy and who fancy you but not straight into bed on the first time (I strongly believe one should not start a relationship based on sex and sex is not everything about the relationship, it cannot be the only thing that defines it, you know what I mean?)

Happy Chap Goh Meh!

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

Dating like how it used to be

Remember your first date/boyfriend?

I do.. Because my first boyfriend was a jerk.. So was my second.. I was being unfair to my third boyfriend, and my fourth and fifth ones basically had lives outside of the relationship.. In between all those times, I've gone on dates after dates, ONS after ONS thanks to the advancement of technology and dating apps..

Dating now seems like a race against time, all it takes is just "hi", "meet", "top/bottom" and there you go.. Gone are the days where you sheepishly harbour crushes on people you know or barely know, friends of friends, or just some random hot guy in that party..

When I was younger, I used to have these kind of crushes as well towards random guys at parties, and then my friends would play the evil guy and introduced.. but nah, we remained friends but nothing took off because it didn't feel right..

Dating has to begin right.

Instagramers Patoetto & his boyfriend Sleepdrunk
I follow their Instagram because they are so loving and lovely, it gives
me hope that gay relationships have a future..
plus they are too cute and has hot-to-die-for bodies..

Well, maybe things like that still happen, only that it has become such a rarity that one forgot to slow down and actually enjoy the process of getting to know one another..

Truth be told, my current boyfriend (are we even boyfriends yet? I don't know but we do act like one - a couple, and exclusive) and I met on one such dating-app which I shall not name..

Initially it was a simple "hi".. but I took ages to reply because I wasn't looking to date.. So one reply begets another over a long period of time, before we actually met up for coffee.. and slowly got to know each other better.. I like him, he likes me.. and soon we're staying overnight at each other's place and gone on several staycations..

It's a really slow process, because from the first "hi" to today, it's almost one year.. but we're still learning and getting to know each other.. Hence, I said, I am not sure if we're considered together? Haha.. I called him my boyfie.. but he's too shy to admit anything..

Yeah, that's us taking it reeeeaaalllllyyyy slow...


In today's age and technology, what would you give to actually enjoy the real process of dating err I mean, socializing? And getting to know not just one, not just 2, but 19 other guys in a safe and discreet environment? Everyone there has one purpose, but yet everyone there is unique and diverse in terms of age, ethnic group, profession down to hair colour!

Sorry, if sex is all you're after, this is not for you.. Move on.. We have all the yellow and orange apps  and what-other-colour-apps specifically for "fun"..

Err nope, this is not speed dating :)
But there's no stopping you from having some quiet time AFTER all is over..

With 19 guys all in for one reason, I am sure one of them will surely fits most or some of your "criteria" if not all.. If you still don't find someone, don't worry, you can either try again or lower down your expectations/standards! :)

So how do you get to know all 19 guys in just one evening?

Simple, it's called speed dating.. 20 guys, 5 minutes each.. All in one fun session.. Shy and quiet? Don't worry, there'll be games and ice-breakers to ensure everyone is comfortable and before you know it, you can't wait to actually get to know these guys, or perhaps by then you'd already have someone in mind to "target"..

The next session of this event is actually coming up soon..

Here's the details:
What: Collision Speed Dating (for gay men, of course)
When: 20 February, 7pm
Where: The Albion, Changkat Bukit Bintang, KL (1st Floor - private event; maximum privacy!)
How much: RM60 (inclusive of food! Non-halal but no pork, don't worry)

Interested? Register HERE now!

Who knows, maybe you will find your true love... boyfriend... here.. Then I won't mind you giving me the credit that I told you about this hahaha..

Good luck, and hey, gay relationships do exist, and they do last, so don't give up hope just yet okay? Try going for this event, and who knows, it might just change your life!

Peace out!
xoxo mucks...

Monday, 15 February 2016


Well, as promised.. some not-safe-for-work pics.. haha due to restriction, must censored :)

Plenty of opportunities for selfies because there's a lot of flat surfaces everywhere and every corner.. thanks to the self timer on my iPhone, I just can't stop taking tonnes of pictures.. and for like 1 which I saved, I deleted plenty others.. hahah.. don't judge me, I put on a little weight..

And this... Happy Valentine's Day!! 


Saturday, 13 February 2016

Birthday Trip: Phnom Penh (Day 3 & 4)

The next morning, I woke up lazily.. not wanting to do anything.. I lazed around for quite a long time before my stomach started to growl asking to be fed..

Just me, sitting in the shower thinking what to do for the day..

Then a naughty thought struck me.. Since it's my last day in Arthur & Paul, I just walked out of my room in what I was wearing (or not wearing) down to have breakfast in the lobby restaurant.. Arthur & Paul being a clothing optional men-only hotel, is where you really can leave your clothes behind in the room and just be yourself..

In other words, I mean naked. Anytime and anywhere in the hotel compound..

Join me for breakfast?

Nobody is going to judge you.. No one bothers you.. No one give a shit what you do..

I must say, it was really exciting to be in a clothing-optional hotel.. and not many guests around.. so I literally have the whole place to myself..

The reading corner outside my room.. 

From the reading corner, its a clear view of the pool..

View of the pool from Level 1

Another view of the pool from the other side

Jacuzzi and open showers, which are only open between 5pm-12mn for US$5.
There's also a steam room and 3 private cabins on the left hand side of the jacuzzi..
In the evening, it's quite busy.. locals come here to mingle.. and you know, "chill"..
I have many handjobs and blowjobs in the steam room here.. 

The view of Arthur & Paul.. My room was on the top left, with the balcony, overlooking the pool..

After breakfast, I lazed by the pool, swam.. and took some naked photos.. And the best part? There is no "fixed" check out time, you can check out anytime you're ready..

I was alternating between lazing on the deck chair under the strong Cambodian sun and skinny-dipping into the cold waters, the pool water is totally chlorine-free, so it's very clear but clean.. not even leaves!

Just me, sitting on the side, where I take the above panorama pic of the hotel..

but first let me take a selfie..or rather more selfies..

Tanning naked? Sure, no problem!

When I am completely satisfied, I walked back to my room naked, showered and get dressed to check out..

I moved to Rambutan Resort next door for my last night in Phnom Penh because it's a lot cheaper on the weekend in Rambutan compared to Arthur & Paul.. The US Dollars that week was at a fucking 4.40 to a ringgit!

Note: Rambutan Resort is gay-friendly (I know the owners as we were introduced during clubbing), but it is not men-only and it is not clothing-optional..

Corridor, thats my room..

Panaroma of my room in Rambutan


The outdoor bath tub and glass shower area..

If you're here with just friends, maybe it's going to be a problem hahaha.. but I loved it!!

Bed, daybed and balcony..

WC and sink on the other side of the room..

Care to join me to soak?

Ahh.. nothing feels better than a good soak in the tub (right after skinny dipping!)

Oh hey duckies!! 

Yes, how can one resist taking selfies!!!

After checking into Rambutan, I went out to Central Market.. It's the huge golden dome with plenty of stalls selling all sorts of things.. I should have came here instead of going to Russian Market to buy stuffs.. it's more or less like Bangkok's Chatuchak but it's airconditioned in the huge dome with lots of branches.. and it was here I saw the famous exotic snacks of spiders, cockroachs, worms and what nots..

One of the entrances of Central Market

Yes.. the huge ass golden dome as they call it...

Do you dare to eat?

My stomach wasn't built for this so I didn't try, for the fear that I may be allergic to it..

I dont dare eat the exotic snacks, and hence I decided to just have some pastries in Tous les Jous hahahah!!

In the evening, I was at my friend's house for some home-cooked dinner at the other side of the city.. And then adjourned to Space Bar for some drinks, before ending up again in Heart of Darkness..

Space Bar

Now.. where in the world can you have fruits in a dance club? Heart of Darkness.

Where in the world do you dance in front of statues of Buddhas, with or without your tops? Heart of Darkness..

Really.. I enjoyed myself a lot with the people and strangers I dirty danced with here, totally no drama, no bitch stares unlike in Marketplace..

Also a quick kiss with some guy before I left.. Well, we're all gays, and that's how we greet one another.. some light pecks on the cheek, some, hmm perhaps longer? Hahhaa..

When I reach back to the hotel it was already 4am plus, and I have to leave for the airport at 8.30am.. So I just got back to my room, stripped naked and just dropped dead on the bed until the alarm clock rang..

Swimming pool


I only have time for a quick simple made-to-order breakfast

My tuk tuk driver was already here at 8.30am sharp to pick me up to the airport, and for US$10, I reckoned because he is someone my friends trusted, I don't mind, and I tipped him all the riels I have, because it's just technically useless for me..

My tuktuk ride to the airport

Phnom Penh International Airport departure check-in hall..
As seen from Plaza Premium Lounge upstairs after all the customs and immigration..

Business class..

On the return flight, I upgraded my flight to Business class using my enrich points, which otherwise would have been burnt.. For 13000 points, it's quite worth it lor, since the PNHKUL flight was full! And the airport is small and major construction going on, with Business Class, I have access into the Plaza Premium lounge, but I think there is a huge problem in Phnom Penh - mosquitos!

There's even mosquitos in the lounge!! LIKE OMG CAN!

Yay.. got my preferred 1F seat...

How can one not like 2 Broke Girls? So bitchy.. so me...

Lunch meal.. hmm.. that was red snapper.. a far cry from economy class (which was served economy beehoon??)

But thank god they are just normal mosquitos, and I was back in KL safely at 2pm..

How would I summed up Phnom Penh?

I loved how Cambodians are easy going, no attitude, friendly and really nice people.. Life is simple and even my friends who migrated there agreed.. or rather it was these that made them migrate..

Above all, I really agree that in Cambodia, people don't judge.. just do whatever you want.. if you want to be naked, by all means.. hahahah!!

And my friends, and newly made friends, made a bet on me that I will return to Phnom Penh really soon.. I don't know but I think I will...

Wondering when I will go back to Phnom Penh again.. 

to be continued.. 
NSFW pics in the next post.. haha more like some shameless censored pics of myself...

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