Thursday, 18 August 2016

I've not really achieved anything much

​In life, I have never really gone and do great things. As a person, I'm happy and easily contended with what I have rather than pursue greatness. To me, to have come so thus far, is already a blessing.

I started swimming when I was 11 years old. I wanted to swim so badly and more because I had the rare opportunity to go for a few badges in the merit series (if you are a boy scout, you would know I am referring to Life Saving, Swimming, First Aid badges) which included a swim test and life-saving. My parents found me a coach, not just any coach, but one who was coaching the Perak swim team at that time. Ipoh, back then, has the country's best Olympic sized swimming and diving pools. At my disposal were world class facilities and professional coaches and seniors. Fees were not cheap, it was hefty to say the least. They got me in anyway.

I learnt and went on to assist my coach to coach the junior classes. I was given the whistle. But that's about it. I was not fast enough to make the swim team. It never cross my mind to take up competitive swimming. To me, knowing how to swim and learn to coach others was more than enough and met my goals, of course, I obtained the 3 badges I started out attempting for.

I was also trained to dive on the 3m platform. I tried diving from 10m but it was too high for a small sized boy like me. I never gone much further. For more than 2 years I was at the pool every weekend consistently to jump and train. Head first leg first sideways front back you named it I have had it all, I never went into somersaulting though. I never took up competitive diving. I was contended to have the opportunity to dive.

I went for my life-saving certification, both in water and on land, but I never gone ahead for the bronze medallion. At 12, 13 years old, I can swim, I can dive, I can perform life-saving, I can perform CPR. I have advanced CPR certificates.

But that's where I stopped. I stepped away from the pool and focused on studying, and by Form 3, I was ace-ing and scored perfect A's in every subject.

I took up guitar lessons. Grade 1. Passed. Grade 2. Passed. Grade 3. Passed. Then I stopped.
In upper secondary, at the age of computers, I became good at it. Just good. I knew how to fix broken machines. I knew how to write programs. I knew how to hack, security those days are piece of shit. Before long, I found ways into porn sites for unlimited access. But I didn't go further with what I knew.

I went back to the pool. I signed up for 50m and 100m breast stroke. I never got through the knockouts. I went to train for athletics in 100m sprint, furthest I got was to represent my school at the MSSM meet, I bowed out at the heats. Both events I blamed half hearted, inadequate trainings and simply I wasn't fast enough.

A few years ago, I started coaching swimming again at a time when it was relatively difficult to find a swim instructor. For once, I am proud to continue on where I left off. I have successfully impart knowledge to people who don't know how to swim. For once I was achieving something.

I did not finish university. I dropped out at the end of the second year much to my parents' dismay and anger. I unleashed their ugliest side. They did not talk to me for months, stopped my allowance and suddenly I was out alone in KL defending my survival. I did not last long before I realise I could not survive in KL. I packed my bags and decided to leave the country. I went to Singapore.

For the next 3 years, I worked 6,7 days a week 10-12 hours a day. I earned my living. I saved up money. I began to have money. I started travelling. I worked even harder and doing overtime that nobody wanted. I only jumped ship once to earn my actual worth.

When I save enough money in my last year in Singapore, I dumped most of it in to college. I paid in full. Yes I went back to school. I worked during the day, took a bus to school, eat my dinner in school and sometimes in class, couple days a week for the almost the entire 2006. My lecturers knew my struggles. On the days with no class, I went to the library. I studied. And I finished my studies in the projected time and when my studies finished, I moved back to KL.

I done silly things in Singapore that I wasn't proud of. After graduation, I celebrated by drinking myself drunk silly in Happy. broke lots of glasses and jugs and then got thrown out by the bouncers. Then I got thrown out of a cab for throwing up in the cab. I woke up 2 days later with no memory of what happened after that.

3 years living in Singapore alone without speaking to my family much proved too much for me. I wasted 3 years of family time. When I came back, my parents and I were only starting to talk again but for the next few years it was mostly shouting and yelling. It was tough but I got through all those difficult years now.

I was also volunteering my time at an orphanage in PJ giving tuition. It didn't last long before The Star shut ended the programme. By then I have already built rapport with the kids. I wonder how they are doing now.

Looking back at my life - I can sum it up like jack of all trades master of none. I know quite a lot of things, but I am never great at something, or anything.

Perhaps I think I am particularly gifted in one area, being streetsmart and the ability to fuck what other people think of me. I really don't give a shit about that, neither am I bothered by it - I guessed thats why and how I have haters.

That's life for me I guess.

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