The Surgery I Wish I Never Needed

No gory images are included.


Just when I thought everything was ok, I had to undergo an unscheduled urgent surgery in Damansara Specialist Hospital on 2nd November..

It all began a few days prior when I felt uneasy and began to have concerns of an external hemorrhoid developing but it began really slow and really small, negligible if you may..

And then one fine day on 1st Nov, it became so swollen it burst and started to bleed.. Well, much like how a woman bleeds down there, except it's slower but more painful.. Can't walk, can't sleep, can't sit, can't stand.. literally can't fucking do anything!!

So I went to the doctor to get painkillers, and then to the hospital to the surgeon whom will operate on me.. I was immediately scheduled for admission the next day with surgery arranged for the same afternoon.. After an examination, I was prepped that the only option I have is surgery, and the surgeon would perform a laser hemorrhoidectomy..

Remember this procedure, cos it saved my life..

That night was tough.. I stained my bedsheet with blood and god knows what.. but that's the last thing on my mind..

The next morning, I packed up some necessities and got myself admitted to the hospital.. As they are making preparations for my admission, I have to undergo blood test and X-ray and meet the minimum fasting time required..

Once all that is done, I lied on the bed in the ward and just not wanting to move... it was really, really painful by now..

It's just a waiting game...

After signing all the surgery consent papers and changed into ward clothes, I was wheeled into the operating theater around 2pm and given regional anesthesia at the spine to numb my lower back.. The room was freaking cold and all I have on was the ward gown with my back exposed..

As I was given the anesthesia, I was shivering and they started covering me layers of blanket and heat pad.. I don't know how much was injected, probably 3 shots or so and after about 5 minutes, I can't feel my legs anymore so the nurses had to carry and position me on the operating table..

Legs in the air, wide open..

I swear that was more undignified than having sex cos I can't feel or move my legs.. Fully exposed and I felt like I don't need the ward gown in there.. they just layered the blankets on my chest and the head pad covering as much as possible..

Then sedative was injected through, the operating table was raised with my legs in the air and head lowered down on to the rest pads for the surgery to begun.. I was half conscious the whole time,. I can't hear but I can see and smell..

The smell of the laser burning.. urgh.. but I can't feel anything..

I did not know how long the surgery took cos when I was wheeled back to the ward, I was barely conscious.. And then I slept..

When I woke up it was in the evening already but the anesthesia still have not worn off yet.. It was almost 2 hours later I can begin to feel my legs..

Waking up after surgery

I did not have much appetite to eat or drink so I just nimble on whatever food they served me.. Bland and tasteless I swear..

My sis and some friends came after dinner to visit as nobody know how long I would be warded..

After they left, I dozed off and you know, when you have no control over your ass, shit and urine just came free at will? Yea, I have diaper with ice on with the first dressing.. And it was a mess.. I know cos I cleaned up myself when I had to go to the toilet after being able to control my bladder sometime in the night..

I did not know what the dressing was so I just ripped everything away from my butt and went to toilet.. that first toilet visit was fucking painful and I had to bite my arm and one hand on the toilet bowl.. It was mostly gas and then some shit and some pee..

BUT IT HURTS FREAKING BADLYYYYYY!!!

I had to call the nurse when I was done.. The nurse helped clean and dressed up whatever it need be and gave me bags of ice to sleep on and painkillers.. I fell asleep after that.. until they woke me up for antibiotics at 5am..

The surgeon came in to visit me around 7am and talked to me about everything..

I found out the external hemorrhoid he removed was the size of a golf ball.. Imagine a golf ball stuck at your ass...

I had my first shower on the 3rd day only.. and it felt damn good...

After shower and had fresh hospital clothes..

I have friends and my boss over visiting.. my sis came every night to help me tidy up the ward and bring me things I needed.. mom came too... the wound was recovering very slowly because so much work has been done down there.. I have to call for the nurse to change the ice pack every couple hours or whenever I see them..

Yeah.. ice pack in latex glove.. but it makes things so much bearable and comfortable..

Friends gave me ideas like "restoring virginity", "tightening up hole".. well such befitting a gay bottom lol.. Quite true you know come to think of it.. the anal hole is much tighter and narrower..

On the 4th day, I was discharged and allowed to go home.. My sis and mom came to pick me up and prepared the home for further home care.. Nobody know when I would be okay enough to do things on my own so I had to stay with my sis as then she can do my laundry and cook my meals..

First pack of take home medication.. antibiotics, laxatives and painkillers
Here's RM1.4k worth of meds..

I had to learn how to clean myself though cos I am not asking anyone to do that for me.. I am not bedridden, I just had to lie in bed mostly as that the most comfortable position to be in..

For the next one week till my follow up hospital visit, I could only lie in bed with ice packs to soothe the pain.. I still go to the toilet 4 or 5 times a day..

Second week in after second follow up visit, I was pretty much okay to walk around the house and the surgeon gave me another week of rest before returning to work.. Nothing much I can do expect eat, sleep, shit.. do some work, watch tv, babysit my naughty nephew.. the routine repeats day after day..

I don't really dare to go out as I need to shit on demand cos the ass muscles aren't that strong yet.. Must go means must go and now means now, with all the laxatives, it's soft stools on the edge of watery... And I shit like unpredictably like 4-5 times a day..

All in all, I was not allowed gym for at least a month.. No lifting and no pulling for a month.. And I cannot sit longer than a couple hours still..

16 days after surgery, the pain has gone down considerably.. the wounds are still wet and still uncomfortable to sit long before I had to lie down on my stomach to relief some pressure off my butt..

Will be ready to go back to my own home this weekend and ready to back to work next week.. although I have been working from home already but my attention span didn't last me long before I needed to sleep...

Still on painkillers and laxatives for at least another 2 weeks..

So.. one surgery, and it costs a whopping RM13K.. thank goodness for insurance but I still have to come up with my own money as my plan was a coinsurance plan which requires me to pay 10%...

Whatever out of pocket expenses to be claim later subject to insurance approval.. it's already RM2.5K now and I still have some bills coming next week..

My out-of-pocket expenses so far up to second week..

This surgery has a lot going for.. friends, family.. finances.. and most of all, I realised even with all the fibre supplements and fruits, I am still not getting enough fibre..

LIKE HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH??

On the side note, I am seriously thinking of installing bidet at home now.. makes things so much easier..

Seriously...